Y'all I am a ball of emotion this afternoon. I am excited, a little sad, a little anxious, a little nervous, and extremely grateful all rolled into one. Tonight, I will work my last shift as a nurse. Almost seven years ago, I walked into the ER as a big 'ole scaredy cat and knew I was about to be devoured by "the lions". I don't think I have ever been as frightened as I was working that first 12 hour shift. I still remember that night and all of it's nerve racking details.
My first day of orientation I slipped and fell walking down the hall (in front of everyone) so surely my embarrassing moments were over, right? Not even close. That first night on the floor, I met "Mathis", my orienter. As if her years of experience weren't intimidating enough, she was super tall, thin, and gorgeous. When we were introduced, my left hand came out of my pocket a lot faster than my right hand so I threw up my left hand to shake hers. Of course, she is a normal human being (unlike myself) and she held out her right hand to shake mine. Since we were holding out opposite hands there was that whole awkward "which hand are we shaking with" moment? Seriously, who does this? There is no explanation. Within minutes of this small fiasco, I found myself in the corner of a trauma room. A critical patient had come in and I was observing. The local "McSteamy" looked up and asked if I wanted to help. I cannot even imagine the look on my face. I'm pretty sure it resembled something like a deer in headlights. I stood there mouth breathing and just shook my head no. I couldn't even speak. If someone would have told me that night that years later I would be a charge nurse, I would have LAUGHED in their face. But thanks to that orienter turned BFF, encouraging doctors, and many outstanding nurses, I overcame those fears.
There has been many more embarrassing moments and many great ones. I have made lasting friendships and learned SO much. I talk a great deal about dreaming big and working in the ER I have gotten to see many co-workers live out their big dream....to be a nurse. One night at work I started a survey "If you won a million dollars, would you still work as a nurse?". Every time someone answered yes, I was surprised. But now, I get it. It is their passion. They love it. I too have found something I would do even if I won that million.
I totally give God the credit for blessing my business. I continued to work as a nurse "just in case" - just in case I needed extra money, just in case I stopped booking weddings, just in case something happened. Have you ever watched a scared child learn to swim? They will get in the pool as long as they can stay on the steps or hold on to the side. It's their safety net. Their parents are constantly in the middle of the pool saying "let go I've gotcha". Tonigt, I am saying bye to my safety net. I am diving in with the comfort and confidence that my heavenly parent is saying "I've gotcha".